MANIC MONDAY - "Take a Number" - 13 February 2012
“Stand
in line. Take a number.” Those six words pressed in on me for four
straight hours two Mondays ago while I sat in awkward silence waiting to
for my number to be called at the Department of Motor Vehicles office.
You know the scene . It’s a total throwback from the first Stars Wars
movie release when Luke, Han, Chewy, Lea, R2D2 and C3PO are trapped and
about to be crushed in the trash compactor. There was nothing I could do
but sit and wait. It was a helpless and frustrating venture that I am
ashamed to admit was nothing short of soul crushing.
How
did I cope? Like I do in most distressful situations. I relied on old
friends. Maybe you know some of these very same characters. They have
served me well through the years. Muttering under my breath. Poignantly
timed sarcasm. Deep audible guttural sighs signifying to everyone my
strong and obvious disapproval. Pacing. Checking my email every few
minutes. Checking my Twitter feed. People watching. Judging others.
There
was even a mocking poster on the wall of the waiting area that read,
“You think this is a long wait? Try waiting for an organ.” So I sat
there even more taunted by the shaming paper message that hovered above
my head.
To
top it off, when number was called I finally stood at the counter only
to notice a woman who had only been waiting less than 30 minutes
standing next to me at the adjacent counter being served quickly walking
off several minutes before me. I could not believe the injustice of the
entire experience.
On
the ride home I made the comment to my wife (who sat quietly through
the entire experience), “So, what did you do while were were sitting
there in that misery?” She genuinely responded, “I texted a couple
friends, did my devotion, prayed some and spent some much needed time
with the Lord.” Ouch. There I sat in our car at the red light...exposed.
She did not even need to ask how I had spent the time. She already knew
because (a) she was sitting next to me and (b) she knows that
“grumbling” is sadly is one of my default modes.
Since
that day I have found myself reflecting on some of the ways that I
responded. I have even imagined my thoughts and actions being video
taped and displayed to my children or my neighbors. How I long for my
first response to be more God centered than self. How much different
might that day have been if I had leaned in to our Heavenly Father’s
rest? To dive into communion with Him with eyes wide open to see His
generous and providential hand in those moments. This would be my
desire. Or...at least I desire for this to be my desire.
So
I will thank God for the opportunity to be exposed. To hear my Heavenly
Father inviting me to take up residence in Him irregardless of my
previous misbehavior. It is there in that embrace that the Father can,
again, remind my heart that He is good and has made Himself available to
me. Thank God there is no shame or condemnation when I am resting
there.
-Hayne Steen
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